Thursday, January 19, 2017

Eight kinds of Facebook users

Photo from Google

Facebook is here to stay, at least in our lifetime, unless something better that catches the people’s fancy will come along. I am a returning Facebook user as I have deleted my account in 2014. It was called “Lakwatserang Paruparo” as many of you who had been my friends in that account would know. I’m back but I’m quite choosy now as to who I will be friends on Facebook because I don’t want to crowd my day with reading and scrolling down my News Feed to update myself of what’s going on in other people’s lives. I’d like to call myself a rehabilitated Facebook junkie! Haha!  [Please check out my blog post: Facebook junkie no more!

In the course of my Facebook usage through the years, I have observed the following kinds of users. Let’s use the acronym F.A.C.E.B.O.O.K. to describe each kind and let’s see if you consider yourself in any of the categories mentioned. Hey, I wrote this just for fun, okay? No offense meant if you feel stabbed in the chest with this as I am also guilty of being in one of these. Haha!


F – Follower

A lot of Facebook users are followers like most everyone was in the beginning. This is the kind who feels his/her way around, tinkering with settings, getting familiar with the News Feed and doing nothing aside from that. Some stay that way for a long time, simply browsing, not commenting, and not even liking anything. Yes, they’re pretty much like shadows lurking in the sidelines. Shy? Aloof? Spooky?  

A – All-knowing

From knowing nothing to knowing everything, yes, some Facebook users are like this, feeling omnipotent. They seem to know everything that’s going on. Well, they should know that not all people like their ilk. Smart alecks are often shunned.   

C – Commentator

These are the ones who post status updates on almost every issue in the whole wide world as if their every opinion and reaction matter in most people’s lives. They must be frustrated media commentators. Have you tried scrolling down comments on posts of networks, bloggers and even other social media users? There are gazillions of them who think they know better than everyone else! More often than not, comments spark word wars so much so that the internet should actually be referred to as the “Word War Web!”

E – Event Specialist

Ah, this is not the kind who organizes events. This is the kind who posts almost all events of his/her life from the rising of the sun to the setting of the same. They post updates with matching photos like:

“Good morning, Fb world! I’m up and grateful.”
“Brushing my teeth now. These braces hurt.”
“Off to a meeting. Got to charge my tablet.”
“Lunch in posh hotel.”
“So much traffic. I better call my friend on my new android phone.”
“Party tonight. Sizzling chicks.”
“Good night, Fb world.”

Then they post a tons of selfies as if their faces and poses matter to the world. Talking of selfies, I saw a couple of teenagers waiting for their mother (I presumed!) in a supermarket and taking their photos with their tongues sticking out. Another couple of kids also did this while waiting in line in a popular fastfood chain. (What’s with the tongue sticking out or the pouting lips in those photos, anyway?)

People taking selfies are almost everywhere and they’re pretty amusing to look at and somewhat annoying sometimes. It’s more amusing (and shuddering to the bones!) to see the “golden-agers” or those even older taking selfies everywhere: in the front door of their houses, their gardens, halls of malls and even while waiting for their orders in cafes and doughnut stores! Making up for lost chances of having these gadgets when they were young? No wonder selfie sticks and phones with better selfie features are bestsellers nowadays.

B – Business Buddy

We all love the business buddy who sells almost everything possible on Facebook: bags, clothes, shoes, jewelry, underwear, gadgets, appliances, cars, houses and even services – tutorials, dance lessons, gym memberships, etc. Name them, this business buddy has them! Just click, like or send a PM and voila, the merchandise is on its way. It’s fuss-free shopping minus the leg cramps. God forbid that people will sell contraband on Facebook! Gen. Bato will surely be out to get them. By the way, just be careful though, business buddies. The IRS or the BIR may be on Fb, too.

O – Optimist

They are the ones who share virtual posters which make the world a brighter place to live in. [Wouldn’t one or two posts a day be enough instead of inundating the news feed with tons of them every day which no one may be able to read anyway?] They are the ones who are perennially grateful for the good life they’re having and want to share their blessings. [Some may come off as bragging as they thank God for stuff the ordinary person may not afford to buy in their lifetime. Or couldn’t they just thank the person who gifted them with that pricey bag or that Rolex with a note via LBC or via Messenger?] They’re the sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice-won’t-kill-a-fly kind. [Bless those friends! Let their tribe increase.] And yes, they also post prayers almost everyday as if God has a Facebook account, too. I wonder, wouldn’t it be easier to talk to God directly than having to type one’s prayers? It will save one a few seconds or minutes.

O – Omnipresent

Talking of God, He will surely find a competition in this kind of Facebook user. He’s the one who shares, posts, likes, comments, argues, lectures, and star in his own photos and stories every single day, not to mention tags everyone else just so his posts will be noticed! Some may be so in a good way, others may just be annoying. They’re on Fb 25/8! What an enviable position!

K – Kitchen Kibitzers

I remember what it was like a few years ago when we had no idea what our neighbors were eating unless we guessed through the aroma coming out of their kitchen. Did we try sending a telegram to our cousins across the globe to let them know we’re having this sumptuous dinner and they’re not invited?  Back in the old days, the only photos with food in them were those in newspapers or magazines. Now, it’s in everyone’s Timeline! Unless it’s for recipe sharing or promoting one’s cafĂ© or restaurant, these kitchen kibitzers might as well compete with television kitchen gurus which have grown over the years, by the way. [C’mon, there’s no such thing as world food problem, is there?]  

What category do you belong?


Hey, have you found yourself in any of these categories? There are more but this is the easiest way to remember each kind. For some, Facebook is just Facebook, no big deal. It’s a free country or better yet, a free world wide web.

Well, we can’t control other people. Not everything is bad on Facebook, of course. Some posts are good and worth sharing. There are just those which are simply worth ignoring. As I have written at the start, I am guilty in a few of these but I could probably plead to just a misdemeanor. There are some, however, who might as well belong to Facebook prison. Forever!


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